I do not believe that it is difficult to put clothes in the dryer, but rather it was not important to him. As long as you focus on the level of difficulty, you are not addressing the issue. What you need to do is express why these items are important to you. Once you have accomplished that level of understanding, and it won't be easy, you now have to convince him that it would be in his best interest to change his list of priorities to include you. It is not easy because he is looking at it as a logical problem and trying to justify why putting clothes in the dryer is as important as changing the oil in the car. As long as he is on that path he will come up with all kinds of reason why putting clothes in the dryer is not as important. The real issue may have nothing to do with putting clothes in the dryer. It may be a more emotional issue like why doesn't he support ME more. If that is the case change the approach to be, this is important to me - why don't you feel that what I need is important? Now he has a real dilemma because you may be at the top of his list and now he has some very hard choices to make. Once you get this far you have to both agree on what that means and what is important.

SHE SAID:

I recently went ballistic with Dave because I had just emptied the dishwasher, cleaned the kitchen, and he walked in and put his glass in the sink. This is with an empty dishwasher exactly 28 inches from the sink. My comment was very clear: "If you want to live to see your next birthday, do not put another glass in the sink."

I agree with Dave but in a more basic way. He may be making a half-hearted attempt to do something that he does not see as his responsibility or very important based on how he was raised. We are patterned to behave and act certain ways. Unfortunately we are caught in generational changes where men try to help around the house despite the fact that (1) they don't want too (2) their perception of helping is on the idiot level and (3) women are expecting them to rise to the occasion on their own. It simply isn't going to happen. What is important to one is not important to the other. It doesn't mean you aren't important but what you asked of him is not important in his world as he perceives it to be.

Thus, I apply the Cheryl common sense rule. Some things are beyond men. It doesn't make sense. I can't change it. It is a waste of energy to try. Dave and I sat down and agreed on mutual things that went beyond annoying and if happened were designed to bring about a catalytic reaction. We got rid of the petty things, came up with a good list and we both try to follow it. We didn't do it over-night. It came from trial and error. We succeed probably 75% of the time.

In addition, we keep telling ourselves that only through humor, sprinkled with lots of love, and a great deal of talking can we live together in spite of ourselves.